The Marathon over the Sprint
Training for a marathon, here.
I am presently sitting at Seven Grams Caffe (heh heh, seven grams of what…) and timing myself 12 more minutes to write this blog, so that I can scarf down a solid 30 minutes of FAR cramming before meeting Natasha for lunch. I’m not sure what I’m cramming for, but I know that this feeling must be “cramming."
Three domains which are equally vying for both time and space at the moment:
- 3A renovation
- FAR exam
It has been an overwhelming week, and side projects and imaginative creativity having needed to fall by the wayside. A necessary cut, but one that no one likes to do, especially me. The free, fun-loving, slightly airheaded Shawn has put up a good fight; but to be ready to face FAR (and get through the apartment renovation with a semblance of sanity by my side), the more legalistic, frigid, cold-bitch version of me is surfacing again. I don’t like it. I like being gentler, I like being far more malleable and adaptable to others, and I like having freedom in my days.
“Make it work,” as the phrase, goes. Writing (such as this) is truncated, concise, less colorful.
Some thoughts about the exam:
- I may not be ready for it in the sense that I will have completed enough drilling to pass FAR this first go round, but I will be ready to finally face it. That’s a huge, huge, huge win for me. I can’t stress how beautiful the improvement the mental aspect of this is.
- I’m sorry I can’t devote more time to my friends and be kinder to my family. My family has already seen me lash out, but it seems like only people who have gone through the trenches of this arduous four-exam process can understand. We want this over with as much as you, but it’s drawn out, and I am not (nor have I ever been) the test-taking whiz. I am extraordinarily average in that the difficult topics for me are the same difficult topics for the rest of the candidacy pool. My disadvantage is no different than the average “other" – I have no learning disability I can use as a crutch (ha), I know how to punch numbers in a calculator to help me accomplish algebra, and I have a decent memory. Accounting rules, however, are not intuitive for me. My first accounting class was a summer intro class which I flunked out of. I knew how critical it was to learn basic financial literacy, however, and was eventually blessed with a great professor. The material was still not intuitive. I’ve had to work, guys.
- This exam is some form of hell, and I’m learning how much I truly value sleep. I’ve consistently selected rest over my social life. But I’m still saying yes to a date next Thursday. I think. If he’s not creepy.